No More Funny Business - Read the warning first!
by GeminiWolf89
Summary: WARNING: If you do not want to read about Joker being face raped by Batman, do NOT read this. It was a fan request that I've had done for over a month, but could just now bring myself to post. Rated M for obvious reasons.


**AN: Alrighty guys! This was a request from a guest reader. I DO NOT like this pairing (if you can call it that) but I'm giving it a shot! This is a ONE SHOT and will NOT be made into a multi-chaptered fic. Prepare yourselves…..for the smut.**

Joker gave a soft groan as his eyes fluttered open, vision slowly clearing as he was assaulted by a bright light. Lifting his hands to block it out allowed him to take in his surroundings, and realize he was bound and suspended upside down in an abandoned warehouse.

"What the hell…."

"Finally awake, huh?"

"Batsy? Oh…just fabulous. I open my eyes and see /you/? Ugh, just shoot me."

"I found these when I caught you, and you're going to explain what they're for."

Peering at the paper held in front of his face, Joker chuckled lightly and turned slate gray eyes to the costumed hero. Seeing the look on the man's face, Batman lifted a hidden eyebrow and crossed his arms.

"Spill it, clown."

"Well, see, if I could TELL what I was looking at, I might be able to do that. Hard to read shit upside down, after all."

Grunting and uncrossing his arms, Batman reached over and punched a button on the wall next to him. Feeling the rope holding his ankles suddenly get A LOT of slack, Joker cursed before finding his face against the floor rather quickly. Freeing the clown's ankles, the hero hauled him up by the front of his shirt and shoved the papers into his face.

"What is it."

"It's a paper. Come on, Batsy, I know you're smarter than that. Y`know, PAPER? Made from trees?"

"Shut up you asshole, I know what paper is. What are the PLANS for?"

"Ohhhh, well you shoulda said that! You really wanna know? Come a little closer and I'll tell ya."

Leaning forward slightly, Batman turned his head a bit to better hear the other man as he lowered his voice to a whisper.

"It's for….a big giant middle finger statue I'm gonna plop in the middle of Gotham!"

Grunting from under his mask, the caped hero shoved Joker away from him, causing the clown to lose his balance and hit the floor rather hard, the green haired man simply shaking with laughter. Batman crossed his arms and glared down at the man on the ground, eyes hard as stone.

"Aw come on, Bats! Where's your sense of humor? What's wrong, no little lady at home to ease your tension? THAT'S why you're always constipated looking, you need to get laid!"

"Shut up, Joker."

"OH OH! I'm right! You're all alone! Awwwww, poor little Batsy Watsy doesn't have a girlfriend! That's hilarious, and kinda sad, at the same time!"

"I said SHUT UP."

Joker simply fell over laughing again, not noticing as the Bat stalked towards him until he felt a hand fist in his bright green hair. His laughter immediately stopped and all humor dropped from his face, a grimace replacing it as he found himself eye-level with the caped man's crotch.

"Oh get that thing outa my face, Bat. Smells like rotten cheese or something worse."

"Since you won't shut up on your own, clown, guess I'll MAKE you shut up."

"Oh yeah? What're you gonna do, hm? You don't scare me!"

The smug grin on the man's red lips, for some odd reason, sent a jolt of electricity through the Batman, and his body clicked over from manual to automatic. The hand holding Joker's head up tightened in his hair, as the other reached down and removed the utility belt at his waist. A non-existant eyebrow shot up, and the captive Joker attempted to move backwards.

"The fuck are you doin, Batsy?"

"I'm sick and tired of hearing your voice, and those lame excuses for jokes."

At the word jokes, the pants of his Batsuit hit the floor, freeing his inexplicably hard length.

"The hell….put that thing away! I do NOT-"

As soon as the clown opened his mouth again on the word not, Batman's hips surged forward, shoving said erection directly into the other man's mouth. A muffled yell was the only thing he could reply with, hands lifting from the ground and pushing against the caped hero's hips, trying to push them back. Being in the position he was, Joker couldn't get enough strength behind his shoves to do any good, and instead tried to pull his head back. The hand in his hair tightened and held him where he was like a vice. Unable to either pull back or push him away, the man was stuck where he was, and settled for glaring up at Batman. The caped man had a smug smirk on his face, and he started to move his hips. A disgusted expression bloomed on Joker's face, and he let out a muffled yell.

"I warned you to shut up."

Batman growled and stumbled backwards when one of the clown's hands balled into a fist and drove into his thigh, barely missing his balls. Before he could pull himself to his feet and run like hell, the King of Gotham found his hands cuffed behind him as his nemesis again grabbed his hair, a few strands popping lose in gloved fingers. Joker let out another yell, and again found the man's erection in his mouth. Glaring up at him again, and having no leverage, he was at the man's mercy. Batman again started to pump his hips, a low groan escaping him, his brain momentarily forgetting just who was on their knees. The clown's gray eyes were full of rage when the other man met them with his own. A small chuckle escaped the hero as he continued with his movements.

"What's wrong, clown? Don't like being laughed at?"

On the word laughed, the Bat shoved his hips forward, pulling Joker's head forward at the same time. The green haired man gagged as the offending body part brushed the back of his throat. Ignoring the other man's need for air, Batman forced his head to remain where it was for a good few seconds before his hips started moving again, harder and faster than before. Feeling his eyes water a bit as his air supply was repeatedly blocked, Joker started fumbling with the cuffs around his wrists, trying desperately to get them off. This continued for a good twenty minutes, before he was forced all the way down again as the hero reached his release in his captive's mouth. Having nowhere else to go, his essence went straight down Joker's throat. Finally pulling back, the Bat put a foot on the man's chest and pushed him back, the clown falling to the ground and coughing.

"Well, you're good for one thing, Joker."

"You sick mother fucker…when I get free…you're DEAD."

The moment Batman pulled his pants back up and secured his utility belt, a gunshot went off in the warehouse. Joker jumped a bit at the sudden, loud noise, and then watched in amazement as the hero fell to the ground, bullet buried in the base of his skull.

"Puddin!"

"Harley? I've never been happier to see you…get me out of these cuffs and lets get the fuck out of here."

Doing as told, the woman freed his wrists and helped him to his feet, asking what had happened. He begrudgingly told her on the ride home, and her face contorted into one of disgust. Once they reached the apartment, Joker went straight to the bathroom and brushed his teeth, scrubbed his tongue and rinsed with an entire bottle of mouthwash.

"Hey Harls…do we have any bleach?"

"Whatta ya need bleach for?"

"Mouthwash isn't strong enough."

"Uhm, I don't think its safe to gargle bleach, Mistah J…"

"THINK about what I just went through."  
"Oh…oh yeah…there's a bottle under the sink."

 **AN: *shudders* It took all I had to write this. I HATE batman, and it was so hard to write having the Joker defiled. I hope those of you who read this enjoy it…please no flames. Again, this was a FAN REQUEST. I can't for the life of me remember the name of the person, but let me say, you're HORRIBLE!**

 **PPS: I've had this finished for a month, but just now could bring myself to post it. *shudder***


End file.
